Time for a cool change...

Thunderous thoughts of loneliness, depression and utter disappointment galloping endlessly in the void of my space consuming the very foundation of it, making each day painful, dreadful and miserable. No solace can be found now. No speck of hope lifts the life that once held righteousness up so high in the sky. The winds of fate and time have blown all of the leaves out, and slowly fall creeps in the once fresh garden. What will stop this maddening sickness eating and consuming from the inside of the hollowing tree? Its branches once lush now barren and wilted. How can you revive a dead tree?

Endless ideas with no concern over time and space make the situation in paradise even worse. Chasing and catching the fireflies so desperately hoping to harness its gift, futile in every sense, making the assumption that the fireflies will give new life to the dying tree.

Once fall has come, winter shall take its seat and the tree of life that once shaded the forest floors now will rot in the fresh cold damp environment that it was not meant to be.

I wrote these paragraphs above to encapsulate my emotions and state of being, but I failed miserably because there is just no coherance in what I have written. However I still feel that this raw and uncohesive writting directly illustrates how distress my thoughts are.

I need a better attitude to deal with situations, experiences, observations in my life. I cannot continue with my current attitude because its not healthy and it is turning me into a person that I don't want to be. There are still some oppurtunities that are available for me, and I know that my chances are slimming just because of my attitude. I am hating myself for it. As I transcend into adulthood, I hope the difficulties I endured will not repeat itself. Its just that how I react and respond to things is pathetic. I have to learn how to react approriately, responsibly and more openly to things. This is the only way that I can have a life. I have to learn to accept criticisms better. I need to have a new way of expressing myself. I need to learn a diffrent approach in handling my relationships with people. I crave for stability. I want to grow from where I am as of the moment. I do not want to regret anymore. I want to share my life with that special someone. I want to make new friends. I want to welcome new experiences, and still maintain a balanced life. I want to be whole. I want to mend and move on from all the negativity and all the drama.