Friday, March 24, 2006

Pictures of my early 20s

For guys hair is a pretty important matter. It can make you look young or old, and get you into style or not. Unfortunately, I haven't been that of a perfectionist when it comes to my hair. I hate going to the barber because they always cut the same way since I was still in Grade 3. Imagine that. So whenever I don't have enough money for a 'parlorista' haircut I go to barber shop and tell the barber to make it short enough to not stand up, do you get it? Anyway, here are some pictures to illustrate what I am talking about. Sometimes I just let my hair grow out, and sometimes I wear it really short.
You can't see it but I have a mullet here...
not my real hair...
going military

These are not before and after shots okay... Don't I look different wearing short hair and long hair? And not to metion some re-occuring acne and weight problems that also contribute to my changing appearance.

A thought was presented to me today by my younger cousin from my father side. "Ahiya RV, di ka bagay sa Divisoria". And I responded, "I take no offense, sabi rin nga ng iba at ng nanay ko, but it is still my birth right" (taking part in daddy's business). As it is people will immediately see how that it might possibly be true. I don't belong in Divisoria and many agree. But I don't, because that's only something you say when you really don't like someone. Right? Even if I don't fit the profile of someone going to Divisoria, if you like me, you will not say that to me. And I know a certain son( a graduate of DLSU just like me and he doesn't look tsaw huwan at all) of a Divisoria businessman who is currently handling their family business. And what about my Benildean sister? She might appear cowboy, but she doesn't like being poor, I know this becuase she "loves" branded clothes, shoes, socks, and most especially men's fragrances not to metion exquisite and delicious food. SO, don't tell me that I don't belong in Divisoria. And besides I want to help out.
I don't want to be suspicious because it only becomes a habit, but if you are surrounded by people who constantly imply and connote through their actions and words their motives and intentions, if they constantly insinuate something that is their own interests... at least I have the right to know. But what can I do but adapt. Even if I care about them liking me, what is the point? Somehow I am learning to convince myself to just accept certain facts about the world in relation to myself ( not saying that I'm ignorant, if I am then you are fooled). I know my relationship with other people, and I can observe them, and I know how my mom reacts to them, and I know how my sister reacts to them, and I know how my father plays the game... My part is a mental one. My influence is my presence. My words are something to be talked about. But I don't take pride in it, it is what it is, nothing more, nothing less. ( I really want to write down all of my suspicions but it would just be pointless and would totally contradict my previous statements, just sharing :D)

I am sorta smiling about the situation. In other places there will be always something to talk about, that's the way it is. Life is boring and nothing is more enjoyable than filling the void with cheap shots, ridicule and nonsense chatter. Hopefully, the job interviews I had these past weeks pays offf. I will get a new job and get my own money again. And then I will have to face other people's criticisms once more. And I will be more determined, more thick skinned, more aware, more secure and more ready to face whatever it is thrown in my direction. I will take it as it is. And I will know my place and what I must do.


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