Saturday, March 04, 2006


Bullshit, drama and all of the fucking excuses!

Saturday night

People are supposedly out in Malate, Greenbelt, a party or somewhere fancy and supposedly "fun". For someone like me who still lives in his parents' house and waiting for grace, Saturday night is usually spent in front of the computer or watching TV.

I was expecting a call from Xavier scheduling me for the demo teaching since yesterday. Anyway, as of the moment I am just trying to come out with an effective lesson plan.

*sigh*, People have really grown out of the usual mold of the teenage years and of the college life syndrome. I hope there are people like me out there experiencing the same situation, not that I want everybody to have my life, it's just so that I can at least talk to someone with what I am going through. It's quite tough having nobody to share your thoughts with. Everybody seems busy or that they don't have time to spend with you. I can't blame my friends for not being in touch with me since I started ignoring their messages and not spending time with them. I decided to spend my time alone with my family trying to sort things out, in the process I have been cutting myself from everybody else. I don't want this. But I must accept the situation because as reason would suggest it is by my fault things have come to this. I hope one of these days I can feel that I really belong somewhere and that I am enjoying myself and not being a nuisance to everyone.

Isn't that people just want to love and to be loved in return. To be accepted fully as a person. I hope everybody else is happy, giving love and to be loved back. Because from where I am right now, I don't want anybody else feeling like this, as if I was being punished by being alive and alone. (Okay, I am not talking about my relationship with my family. I am talking about my relationship with other people.)

I hope that there will come a time for me to write something fun in this blog of mine, rather than having to use this just to express my melancholic existence.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Stage 2 complete!

The afternoon is over, and I just arrived home from my second interview in Xavier. On the way to the testing and research center of Xavier I bumped into Ronald Genato, also an alumnus of Xavier. We had some talk and interestingly went to my confession of some sort. The talk was around 30 minutes (i think) so there wasn't much detail mentioned, we parted nicely and I proceded to my job interview.
I was directed to the high school Principal's Office and was greeted by the friendly secretary. I saw familiar faces, teachers of course. The secretary and I had some small talk and it turns out I can't remember who my teachers were particularly or who the principal was during my last school year in Xavier. Anyway, I waited for my appointment in the lounge area. The principal now is Mrs. Santos, I think she used to teach English, I maybe wrong. I remember she wasn't my teacher in any of my subjects. I thought I was going to be interviewed by her but then the Christian Living department head was the one who interviewed me. I remember her face, but then I still don't remember her name. I don't think she handled me when I was in highschool. We proceeded to a small meeting room. She asked me questions about teaching and some situations. I tried to answer them the best I could, hopefully the interview left her a good impression of me. We ended the interview and she told me that she is scheduling a demo-teaching next week. The topic she gave me was the 6th and 9th Commandment, issues in morality and human sexuality. I laughed inside my head. Now to think about an activity of some sort for that topic.

Demo-teaching will be the next step. Hopefully I can show that I can be an effective teacher. I still don't have the job yet. If I do I will be extremely happy, but if I don't then I don't. I hope everything works out fine. A wish and hope also emerged from my head, that I may get along just fine with everyone, students, teachers, personels and administrators. Finally on a trivial note, I think the lady in the desk gave me the same visitor's ID number from the first interview last week. :D

Dearest Lord,
Thy will be done. I hope I am doing the right thing this time. I hope that I am playing your grand design perfectly. Teach me to be generous, to serve you as you desereve. To give and not to count the cost. To fight and not to heed the wounds. To toil and not to seek for rest. To labor and not ask for any reward, expect that I am doing your most holy will.

Ash Wednesday

The ash on the forehead...
From ash we came, from ash we shall return