Friday, February 24, 2006

In the spirit of EDSA

Today in history President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo declares a state of emergency. This means she has the power and authority to twart any attempts to bring her down from power. Cory Aquino and other political leaders celebrated the 20th anniversary of the EDSA people power revolution. On the other hand, Randy David, a respected professor and political thinker, was arrested together with other civilians during a rally of protest against the government. Link to the full story can be found here(

As Filipinos, we are a nation who regards education very highly. We are illustrados and social animals. But when it comes to politics in government or in social situations, there is really something wrong. Fine we want the president out, like every other administration and decade, but the reason for it has always been the same... we don't like who is seated and they're corrupt. I know everybody in the country knows what I am saying. And now this administration is being thrown stones at because in reality it is without a doubt marred with suspicion of fraud and corruption. But then this administration fights back. It is resilient. And it has a plan. Personally, I think every president placed into office will be criticized and be blamed for every problem in the country. It is a matter of acceptance and political will, whether or not people will realize that we are living a pattern. That we are in a story called the Filipino soap opera, and that we continue to play the plot and theme througout the generations. After all who are we going to blame for all our misfortune besides God and our neighbor...there is always a contrabida, and we are the victims of a cruel plot. We also have a pretty good formula, the Americans and the other politicians could learn from us... Knowledge = power(Media/Information) + Rich = power(political)+ Church = power (moral, spiritual)+ Beauty = artista = a very ideal candidate for presidency(or any seat of power). But you know what, maybe deep down inside this is the kind of story that we really want and love.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

See I am wrong...

I didn't expect a call yesterday from Xavier scheduling me for an interview at around 8am today. It made me jump out of my seat. I was really excited. So I rode with my younger sister to Greenhills this morning going to ICA. I had my interview and a critical thinking test. That's done. I'll be expecting a phone call sometime next week, by Wednesday as the good lady told me. I'm just happy Xavier called, at least they showed some interest. Also while filling up a form it kinda intrigued me when someone approached me and told me my name was familiar...don't know how to interpret that. Then I bought a new internal modem for my brother's PC. Just finished installing it, and Im now using it

I love stories, who doesn't? I just want to hear the tales that surround my name... Aren't you all at least a bit curious just what other people think of you? At first I always think that they're putting me down, but then I realized that I love that kind of drama. I love being talked about. Bad or good publicity, its always publicity. You just feel special being the topic of the conversation. What bad has he done? What good has he done? How pathetic he is, How noble he is... how handsome... nye! hahahaha...It just feeds the melodrama stories in my head. Then when people hear people say things, they say "see I'm right". But you never hear people say "see I am wrong." People reinforce their stories. Fortunately enough, I was aware of my thoughts, thanks to the landmark forum. So I'm writing it down, just because I want to write it down.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Other people and the future

"Imagine that I am vain, envious, malicious, base, vindictive and... well, perhaps with a tendency to insanity."

"I wanted to find out then and quickly whether I was a louse like everybody else or a man. Whether I can step over barriers or not, whether I dare stop to pick up or not, whether I am a trembling creature or whether I have the right..."

--Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Crime and Punishment

I just need to get this out of my system tonight...

There are two things I fear the most, other people and the uncertainty of what is to come.
I would like to talk first about my fear of other people. Being in the world is something accidental. Even some philosophers ( I forgot who they are) are agreeing with our throwness in the world. We are here whether we like it or not. We can be as passive about it or take an active role in our lives. It seems my speculative thought has always made me understand my surroundings but never really made me act in the environment I am in. I remember my aunt saying something today about me with my theories, that I have to read the newspaper to help me be practical, or be in the world. I do not want to interpret it, but I have a pretty good idea of what she is trying to say. If I were playing a game, I wouldn't be in the field playing. I am sure that I am in the stands watching and having fun. Being in the game is much more fun, I think I had some practice already but playing in the big league is something I really have to push myself to do. In watching the game, I always see how cruel the other players are. I see the dynamics of it all, the ups and downs. I hear others watching with me throw their criticisms, observations and opinions at the game. Like me they are also with me watching. That's what I fear about being in the game, I hate hearing or knowing that other people are saying things behind my back. I get schizo that way. Thinking about being in the game makes me anxious, and its exciting and I love the feeling but I get overwhelmed and I back out and resume watching the game instead. No growth there, right? Also I always have from time to time dreams of zombies chasing after me, but I usually don't get eaten because I always find a way to hide or get some weapon or have some powers. I have to get the thought of being criticized out of my head. I know that its just inevitable that people will judge me, and I have to not care for a while. I need to not care about what other people think, long enough for me to live my life. I cannot always live my life not caring about other peoples opinion of me, but being occupied about it all the time is not also a way to live. GET IT OUT!!!! BE IN THE GAME !!!!
STOP THE DRAMA!!! Whew!....

The uncertainty of the future is also something I have to deal with. I know nothing as Socrates would always say. The only thing I know of the future is that I can always ask questions about it. But that doesn't always help. Come what may... Take things as they come, as they are. STOP THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW!!! YOU'LL BE JUST FINE !!! waaaaah!

Monday, February 20, 2006


What are the possibilities in life? It is infinite.

What's your story? What's your drama?
What do you tell people to justify your role, place and existence. How can you exist in the world of unlimited possibilities with your stories?

What is the truth? Can you distinguish your interpretation and stories from the objective reality? What's your excuse? Does your excuses make up your stories?

Is the world meaningless and full of nothingness? Is there still no meaning even if you make your stories. Do you know why? Do you still have stories? Do you still try to work them out? How many people do you enroll in your stories of comedy and drama? Does everyone believe you? Does everyone agree with you? If they do, then you hold the answers and truth in the world. Would you share it? Does your religion hold the truth? Then why are there still questions found in them? Does your philosophy hold the truth? Then why are there so many of them? What will you make of the things in the world if they are all stories and invented meaning? Whose stories would you believe, your own, the government, religion, the philosopher, your neighbor?

Being born is what it is. Dying is just what it is. Breathing and eating is just what it is. Then what are all of these created elements and qualities in life? Some say that animals don't have a soul because they don't have reason, stories, consciousness and language like we do. Some say that everything has its own soul. Then we are just like everything else? If animals and objects had their own interpretations how would they interpret us?

Does it mean that you have to stop creating stories? Does it mean that we have to stop creating our interpretations, our analysis and making judgment? Then what is left for us to do? Then I should stop thinking about all of this? Then what about love? What about emotions and feelings? What about connecting to someone? What about liking someone? What about caring for someone? What about hating someone? Then what about following your dreams? Then what about fulfilling destiny and your karma? What is there left to do? How do you respond if there are no right and wrong decisions and judgments? There must be right? But everything that has meaning, spirituality has interpretion, analysis and reflection in them. What about logic and reason? What do you do if interpreting is just another story that you create? What do you do if all you can write about are questions rather than absolute declarative truths? We learn that there are absolute truths and there is relativism. Is that another story? Maybe all of these questions and rationalizing are just another story and excuse.

Now can you decide which possibility to take? Where do you go? Where do you run?

3 days of emotional rollercoaster ride

So we end the dramas in life, as we all have to. But then the thing is, those dramas and stories we have give us the meaning in life. But if we have to start being a new person with different possibilities, we have to and without a doubt should let go of the dramas and the stories that bring us down. But without the dramas, we still get hurt. We still feel pain. We still feel all those things that human beings feel. Feeling comes naturally whether it be in love, pain, happiness or hurt. I will probably write more things about letting go of the dramas here as the days continue and my transformation and transition into the new possibility emerges.
Being objective is not bad at all, after all it is what it is. As emotions and feelings are what they are. We can all chose to interpret them whatever way we want them to be, because we all create stories. But, it is always our choice on how to interpret the situation, feelings, scenarios, etc..

Buhay nga naman ng tao... Ganito lang talaga... Hindi mahirap, hindi rin madali. Kung ano ang nararanasan mo ganoon lang iyon. Totoong minsan ang karanasan mo ay may nagmamahal sa iyo, tinatanggap ka ng buong buo o kaya ay gusto ka ng mga tao. Meron ding may naiinis sa yo, hinidi ka maintindihan at kung minamalas ka ay gusto ka ng patayin. Pero sa lahat ng iyon, isa lang ang ibig sabihin noon----WALA. Kahit ilang beses mo itong bigyan ng dahilan, ng storya, ng interpretasyon, ng ibig sabihin, ang matitira sa iyo ay wala. Dahil itong lahat ay gawa gawa lang ng tao.

If you decide to accept things as they are, possibilities are available. But when you interpret things, then your possibilities will be limited as you create your stories based on the things you experience and know.

Mag-isip ka lang, bahala ka. Pagkatapos nun, itapon mo na lang. Kasi bale wala din yun.

Oi, hindi ibig sabihin malungkot o masaya ang mundo... Hindi rin ibig sabihin masama o mabuti ito. Aba malay ba ng buhay mo at mundo kung ano ang drama mo! Kaya pag tinanong ka, may sense pa lang sabihin ang wala lang. Kung namili ka at tinanong kung ano dahilan kung bakit mo pinili ang isang bagay, sabihin mong kasi pinili ko ito. Pipili ka lang, kasi nde ito desisyon, pumili ka lang... Pag pumili ka at may rason ka desisyon yon, gumawa ka ng disisyon nde ka pumili.
Gusto mong pumalag, gusto mong sabihin na mali o tama ang isang bagay? Bahala ka, interpretasyon mo yun. Pinili mo na ganoon mo binasa.

Hay nakakabaliw ang buhay = drama at istorya
Basta WALA!!!! TAPOS!!!

"I'm a machine, miserable and incomplete" - Landmark Forum